“Life goes better when you do it the hard way.” —Dr. John Townsend 1
When faced with a choice between doing something the easy way, or doing it the hard way, most of us would opt for easy. And with all things being equal, why wouldn’t we choose the easy over the difficult? But often things aren’t equal. Sometimes the hard way actually leads to somewhere better.
One place we see this is in how we accept or avoid responsibility, especially when things don’t go right.
If issues arise in a relationship, or at home, or at work, the easy way is to simply complain about the situation and play the role of the victim. But what good does this approach actually do? It may make us feel better for a little while, or we may get some friends to commiserate with us, but rarely does this fundamentally improve the situation.
The hard way is to take a long look in the mirror and ask, “In what ways am I responsible for the outcome?” “What could I have done (or what could I be doing) differently to improve the situation?”
Instead of complaining about our spouse, we ask, “What am I doing to listen and serve and love them well?” Instead of placing the blame on a difficult client, we’re thinking about, “What could I have done to communicate better?” Or, “What do I need to do differently in the future so we don’t go down this road again?”
This approach is difficult. It means identifying ways we’ve failed or could have done better. But it also highlights the reality that we have the ability to affect the outcome of the situation. If everything that’s wrong is due to someone else, we’re also dependent on them to fix it. And if they don’t, we’re stuck. But if we take responsibility for our part, we’ll also realize we have the capacity to do change our own actions, instead of waiting for someone else.
No, we can’t change those around us, but we can take responsibility for ourselves. Will this be hard? Yes. But choosing the hard road can lead to destinations that cannot be reached by any other way.
1 Quote from Entreleader Podcast #170: Dr. John Townsend—Fighting Entitlement at Work and at Home