Have you ever been in the situation where you’re trying to focus on something, and then something — or someone — you want to give your attention to shows up? Imagine you’re trying to finish up a project, and one of your kids knocks on the door and want you to go out and play with them.
How do you get the things done that need to get done, without constantly pushing away the people and things you actually want to spend time with? Because failure to figure this out can lead to frustration over having to choose between who or what will get your attention in the moment.
So what do you do?
Dealing with the tension
One option is to simply reassess your expectations.
When you start working on something, what are your expectations? Are they that you’ll have uninterrupted time to focus on the task at hand? Or is it possible that something or someone may need your attention in the middle of it? Because if your expectation is that you’ll be able to focus exclusively on one thing during a certain block of time, and then it gets interrupted, that can be frustrating.
But it’s a different story if you’re already prepared for possible interruptions, and you’ve made peace with that fact. Then if they happen, you’re already expecting them, and they’re not nearly as frustrating as when you were expecting them not to happen at all. That, and you can also decide ahead of time what your response will be, instead of letting the emotions of the moment dictate your choice.
Now, sometimes, you may truly need some space to focus on something for a while. And if interruptions are going to be a problem, and you don’t want to experience the frustration of having to choose what to ignore, it may be necessary to either move the time or location of your work.
For instance, if I want to be free to play with my kids or talk with my wife in the evening, and also need to get some things done in a focused environment, I may need to either get up earlier, or go to bed later, to ensure that I have some solitude.
One of the challenges, though, especially with the current state of technology, is that even if you change the time or location of your work, you still have the capacity to remain connected. Which means, if an incoming message or email or phone call is something that will distract you, you may need to digitally disconnect when appropriate. This may mean turning off the notifications, or putting your phone on do-not-disturb, or doing whatever is necessary to be able to focus on the task at hand.
Now, you may need to set up exceptions in case of emergencies. But if you know ahead of time who truly needs to be able to contact you, and under what circumstances, you can set up ways to allow for these few possibilities without allowing everything else to jockey for your attention.
But even this doesn’t always solve it. Because, there will be times where you simply have too many things going on, and the reality is you’re going to have to adjust your commitments. This may not be easy, but choosing to say no to lesser important things — like stepping out of a role, or putting a hobby or other pursuit on hold — is sometimes the only way forward.
Choosing
Life is composed of choices. Every moment provides an opportunity for you to choose who or what you’ll give your attention to. And sometimes these decisions, especially in the moment, can be difficult.
The challenge is that we will always have to say ‘no’ to one thing in order to say ‘yes‘ to something else. Which is why pre-deciding who or what has priority is so important. Otherwise you can feel the pressure, and frustration, of trying to decide in the moment, instead of planning for the decision ahead of time.