When dealing with conflict, the challenge is to avoid the twin dangers of being passive and of being rash — neither acting impulsively nor living in denial of what’s happening.
I’ve experienced this first hand in disciplining my children. There are times where they need to be corrected. At the same time, how I go about doing so matters. It does them no good in the long run to let them do whatever they want without recourse. But I also don’t want to lose my composure and do and say things I later regret.
But sometimes this approach ends up taking more time. Being committed to not losing your cool, as well as still dealing with the issue, can turn into a practice of patience. It may be easy to give up, or to lash out, but neither of those help down the road.
A similar dynamic can happen internally. There will be times where our thoughts and beliefs and worldviews collide with information we come across. And when they do, we have to decide how we’re going to deal with the tension. How will we respond when we learn something new that’s at odds with what we once thought we knew? Do we ignore the tension? Do we embrace one bit of data while ignoring everything else? Or are we willing to live with the tension when things don’t fit neatly?
Dealing with conflict, whether internal or external, can be draining at times. And almost all of us want it to be over sooner rather than later. But in resolving conflict, taking time to respond appropriately — even if it means living the tension a little longer — can result in better outcomes than trying to force premature solutions that ultimately don’t solve anything.