“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.” – Naguib Mahfouz
We can learn a lot from questions. And not just because of the answers they elicit. Even a question itself, apart from any corresponding response, can show us a lot about the one doing the asking — whether that be ourselves or those around us.
What questions can signify
For instance, when we ask a question, it can be one signal of what we care about. If I really care about a topic or a hobbies or a person, I’m going to be more prone to ask about it in the course of conversation.
Questions can also act as a sign that there is a lack of clarity or information. If I ask about how I’m suppose to do a task, or about the details of an upcoming event, it’s possible this is evidence that the information wasn’t clear or not sufficient. Not always. But it is a possibility.
Other times a question is simply a way of building confidence. Maybe I understand, but I want to reassure myself about what I hope to be true. If I’m asking about a certain outcome or plan of action, perhaps it’s because I want to allay any worries I may have that things will turn out as expected. Or to confirm to myself that I’ve understood things properly.
How knowing this can help
These aren’t the only reasons people ask questions, but they are a few. And knowing that, can help us in a few ways.
First, paying attention to the questions people ask us can help us see how we can improve our own communication. If I’m regularly being asked about things I’ve already communicated, it’s possible this is a sign that I could have done a better job communicating. Not every time; sometimes people simply forget. But sometimes their questions can be an indictment of how (or how often) I communicated with them.
They can also give us a glimpse of what they care about. Whether it be our children or teammates or clients or friends, the questions they ask can help us better understand where they’re coming from, and what may be important to them. And this, in turn, can help us better serve and relate to them in the future, since we have a better understanding of who they are.
Finally, they can serve as a gauge to how much someone understands, or wants to understand, the topic at hand. Are they asking surface level questions? Or are they asking ones born of thoughtful reflection and understanding? Are they content with pat answers? Or are they trying to understand at a deeper level?
Considering what we’re communicating
Once we realize that the questions of others can tell us a lot about them, we should also consider what our own questions are saying about us.
For instance, if someone were to see all the questions we ask in a given day, what would they say was important to us? What would they think we cared about? Would they see evidence of thoughtfulness and a desire for understanding?
Because if there’s a disconnect between what we want to communicate, and what’s actually coming across, it would pay to reevaluate what and how we ask. Because whether we like it or not, our questions send messages. And just as we can learn about others from the questions they use, our questions are also speaking volumes about us.